⊗ think about how the death shifted things around so drastically.
When you look out across the clearing, you can still see The Bouncy and The Olive in it. Their grief, their pain, drags down their hearts and makes their bodies slow.
Sluggishly, they wander through a daze of days. No one seems to much need mediation, so The Bouncy sits and looks around at nothing, walks around the camp trailing his paw along the forever wall, and doesn't talk to anyone unless spoken to.
The Olive, though everyone always needs food, can't seem to focus her energy into working, and keeps picking at strange items. She smiles, and she chats with people, and even talks to people first, but it's quieter. She's subdued, and her gaze keeps drifting away when she's talked to, though she always looks back. She doesn't go out.
It makes you sad, the fact that The Storm is gone. It also makes you sad how much her loss has weighed on the clowder. It's not just Bouncy and Olive, after all.
Your siblings, and your little sister who doesn't want to hear stories anymore. Your parents, who look a little sad when they think you're not looking. The Old Sun, who keeps asking favours of her granddaughter, and fussing over her - wanting to keep her in her sights, though The New Sun has things to do as an adult now. Her friends, too - The Untouched and The Wind, who work hard with her to try to include The Gull in things.
The Rain, The Rust, The Amber - they were never close to her, you think, but they hold the ones they are close to just a little bit tighter to their chest. The Rain rests his paw on The Broken's shoulder, or his tail against her back as he leaves her when they come back to camp. The new parents hug their pups close.
The Little couldn't have saved her, and they've done this all their life - you don't think they feel guilty, especially when this isn't even close to the first time they've lost someone they knew. For The Storm, they weren't even there, and she couldn't have been helped by a healer. But they look just a little bit more tired.
Everyone feels how she's gone.
That includes you, too. Death really has changed everything, or at least that's what it seems like; in big ways and little ways for different people, nothing will be the same anymore.
It's strange, and a little scary, to think about the idea that anyone could suddenly die like The Storm. She was just talking to The Bouncy, and then she wasn't anymore, because she stood on the edge of a cliff and something you didn't know came out of the water to eat her.
It feels like the worry that you felt in retrospect when you realised something could have gone wrong with your little siblings, and then they wouldn't have hatched - but nothing went wrong with them, and they did hatch. You're not sure there's a relief like that for the idea of losing your life.
The outside world feels just that bit more frightening - but the stories you grew up with had already told you how it was dangerous, to be cautious. And going outside still means exploring; learning more of new things you hadn't seen before, letting your view of everything expand.
Plus, everyone still needs to explore, for food and to make sure no predators are nearby. You couldn't keep everyone inside, because you'd need to eat - and a lot of people wouldn't want to stay in all the time, either. You don't even want to do that.
You just have to be careful, you suppose. The reality of death is a spectre you didn't really understand totally and fully until now. But now, you won't forget it.
⊗ we've been wanting to be a healer for such a long time, and we do love medicine, but... isn't it sad thinking about the bouncy mediating all by themself? maybe we should help out. we're REALLY good at it, after all.
Briefly, you wonder about becoming a mediator. You love learning about medicine, and how all the different kinds of herbs can help people, but you feel pretty sure you'd also do very well with learning about people and helping them sort out their problems with each other - you like seeing new people and hearing about secrets they tell you, and after all, aren't you already working on The Bouncy and The Olive for just that?
Without The Storm, there's just The Bouncy for people to go to for mediatorship. He won't have anyone who understands what it's like to be one with her gone, which sounds lonely. And if someone doesn't like him, like Broken or Olive, will they ever go to him for help about something, even when they could really use it?
You think he would put his own feelings aside about it all for his job, but they might not want to ask him in the first place. So maybe they would appreciate another mediator.
But...
⊗ we want to save lives and help people and little is working so hard alone... being a healer is still our best bet. maybe that way less people will go through this...
⊗ we've been prepping to be a healer our whole life so far...i think we should stick to the plan and become a healer
⊗ we have been looking forward to becoming a healer our whole life basically, I think it'd be best to stay on that track
The Little is also all by themself, and you know they've talked about how they're getting older. You think that's part of why they're so glad you've taken such an interest in healing; no one would ever make anyone be a healer, but not having one is very dangerous.
The Little has talked about it, how important medical care is - how The Saviour's clowder has no healer of their own, and how much they valued having The Little come visit, to check on old injuries and make sure conditions didn't get worse. If they're gone without anyone to help, or hurt, then two entire colonies will be that much more vulnerable.
You need to stop this grief from happening again for people, as much as you can.
The Storm was gone so fast, but other people go slowly. You could make it easier for them, when they're so hurt there's nothing else to do, but you could also save lives.
How many people have passed on, because there was no healer for them when they needed it? How many slugcats have needed such help and not gotten it? Being a mediator is important, yeah, but you can't maintain a relationship if you're just... Gone.
That's why it has to only be a passing thought to be anything else - you know exactly what you want to do, exactly how you want to help people. You're determined to do the best you can for everyone, and to help ease some of The Little's heavy burden. You're sure now, confident after thinking about all your choices: you're absolutely dead set on becoming a healer.
If you can fight back loss, even just a little, isn't that something worth doing?
You have chosen to become a healer's apprentice.